


Dearly Beloved...

by beemblebummed



Category: TMNT - Fandom, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2012, tmnt 2012 - Fandom
Genre: M/M, mental illnesses implied, mid-season two, pre-season three
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 01:12:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3831661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beemblebummed/pseuds/beemblebummed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who has a hard time expressing how they feel? Raphael Hamato and Casey Jones, that's exactly who.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sneaking Out

**Author's Note:**

> \- very gay  
> \- super gay  
> \- rainbows and butterflies  
> \- but also lots of tears and angst  
> \- actually only one person cries and it's only one time  
> \- Mikey sort of has an anxiety attack at one point, but I'll specify the exact chapter when that happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Casey gets himself into a fight, Raph gets mad. What comes from that? An awkward silence. What comes from the silence? An invitation from Casey to Raph for his hockey tournament.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- injuries and stuff, 'cause Casey got into a fight  
> \- tw: bruises  
> \- tw: face/arm trauma  
> \- swearing

Raph was barely even _in_ the lair before he heard the familiar voice of Casey, bragging about injuries and a fight he had apparently been in. The turtle didn’t waste a second, hurrying into his home with wide eyes and a somewhat palpitated heartbeat. Raph spotted Casey in the little depressed part of the living room, sitting on a couch while Donnie tried to treat some of his wounds, it seemed.

 

He jumped down behind Donnie but in plain sight of Casey, crossing his arms as he demanded with a glare, “And just what the heck is the meaning of this?”

 

The human scoffed and waved his hand dismissively, a half smile appearing on his face which exposed the gap in his teeth. “Chill out, dude, I’m totally fine,” he said. “You should see the other guys!”

 

“If the ‘ _other guys_ ’ have more than a broken nose, a sprained arm and several stitch-worthy cuts,” Donnie shot in dryly, “then I’m pretty certain you’re a lot worse off than them.”

 

Casey rolled the eye that wasn’t swollen to a very dark and very visible shade of purple, trying to give Donnie a glare of annoyance as some kind of ointment was applied to his broken nose. He then looked up at Raph, feeling his confidence falter slightly under the disapproving and quite angry look he was getting from his red-masked friend.

 

“He’s right, Case,” Raph finally said. “You could have gotten a _lot_ more hurt than this, and _this_ is a lot already!”

 

The boy huffed and looked away from Raphael, his words a barely audible mutter, “Yeah, I know.”

 

“Then stop putting yourself in harm’s way so much!” the turtle exclaimed. “Stop taking on too many guys, especially too many guys that are strong enough to hurt you so much! You gotta take care of yourself, man!”

 

“All right,” Donnie said quietly, wrapping up the last open cut on Casey’s forearm, “you are as good to go as I can get you. I recommend seeing a doctor or something.”

 

The teenager snorted and hoisted himself off the couch, flexing the one arm that wasn’t nearly broken. He shook his head and nearly laughed, saying, “This is _America,_ it’ll cost me more than it’s worth to get even just a teeny-tiny check up. I’ll be fine.”

 

Raph’s glare didn’t change as he said, “Donnie, will you give us a second to ourselves?”

 

The stand-in doctor held the medical box in one hand and raised the other as he walked away, a gesture of surrender or more like ‘I’m not getting myself caught in this’ kind of thing. He vacated the area, heading to his lab, and let his brother have a moment with Casey.

 

There was a rather uncomfortable silence between them for some time, and then Casey tried to break the ice by saying, “So, I’ve got a hockey tournament next month. You should show up.”

 

Raphael sighed quietly and dropped his arms at his sides, looking at Casey with something that resembled sadness, but it wasn’t quite that. He stepped towards his friend, resisting the urge to give him a good smack over the head. It wouldn’t help anything, and he could cause more damage to Casey. It would probably feel good to do it, but it would only last for a moment.

 

“Case, you’re not helpless or incompetent when it comes to this stuff,” Raph started. “You’re pretty cool, and you’ve got potential, even Mikey could see that. But it doesn’t mean, under any circumstances, that you should go _look_ for trouble, most importantly, when ‘trouble’ is bad enough to get you seriously hurt like this."

 

Raphael was given quite a glare, though it almost could be considered ridiculous, given the different colors he was. The human boy would have crossed his arms, but he couldn't, so he turned his angry expression in a different direction. He wanted to make some kind of remark, but he knew Raph was right, and that probably made it worse.

 

"Look, man, you're not, like, the boss of me or something," Casey finally said, glancing back over at the turtle. "I can... do what I want to!"

 

"Even if that gets you hurt?" Raphael shot back, sounding much less negotiable and much more pissed off. "Even if that gets you killed? Wow, the great and mighty Casey Jones! You sound like a child, pulling this shit, I hope you know that."

 

 _That_ got Casey more pissed off than Raph. He took a step towards him, posing as though he were ready to fight. Basically, everything about the boy screamed " _come at me"_ and that put Raph off a bit. He wanted to get mad as well, but he knew he had to at least try and be the sensible one in this situation, apparently.

 

Raphael opened his mouth to speak but Casey cut him off sharply, nearly shouting, "Like _you_ can talk, Mr. Temper Tantrum! You don't have any room to speak, you throw fits when you're beatin', fair and square!"

 

 _Don't prove him right, that'll just make everything even worse,_ Raph thought to himself. He took a deep breath and just stared in silence at Casey, keeping quiet only because he couldn't find the words to respond yet. He had a million insults and perfectly point-proving remarks he could make, but that would make Casey right, and make the situation further unstable, probably.

 

He didn't expect Casey to take it in such a different way.

 

"What? You're not talking now?" The highschooler laughed scornfully. "Too good for me, are you?"

 

Raph couldn't keep his mouth shut at that point.

 

"No, asshole, I'm trying to figure out what to say so I can calm you down and not make you anymore pissed at me!" he snapped, hating how helpless he felt in this argument. He despised being so illiterate and bad at translating his thoughts and feelings into words, especially when all it ever did was cause even more problems.

 

It didn't help when the person he argued with was Casey, someone he trusted a lot and could basically act himself around. He didn't have to tone down his rough behavior or tiptoe around the things he said, and that made his friendship with Casey so much easier and comfortable. He rarely had actual arguments with the other boy, but no matter what, they always stung, and it was hell for Raph to forgive himself for saying things he sometimes couldn't hold back.

 

His natural response to people accusing him and misjudging him was to cut them back, to cut them down, and it was often impossible for him to keep from doing that. He wished he could be better.

 

Casey still hadn't said anything back yet, and it had been almost two whole minutes of silence. Raphael nearly spoke again just to make the frozen up situation keep going, but Casey did that for him, turning around and leaving only his back visible to the turtle.

 

"Okay, so what do you want from me?" the human muttered, his tone neutral.

 

Raph relaxed a bit, exhaling heavily. He made sure he thought about his words first, and when he figured they would be all right to speak, the turtle drew breath back in.

 

"I want an apology, honestly," he answered. He shrugged a little. "I want you to.. stop putting yourself in needless danger. I want to know that, when you leave the lair, when you're out above ground, you're not picking fights that are gonna wind up getting you killed."

 

Casey just nodded. "Yeah," he huffed. "Yeah, I know. God, fine. I'm _sorry._ "

 

He turned around to face Raphael again, shoving his hand into his pocket. The boy's shoulders sagged and his expression was a perfect example of guilt and also a mix between anger and sadness. Raph took a hesitant few steps toward Casey, ready to stop if his friend wanted space, but eager to get over to him and either hug him if he felt the need to, or just smack him somewhere that wouldn't hurt.

 

Raph moving closer was noted by Casey, but he didn't address it right away. He waited until the turtle was just a few feet in front of him and then huffed again. Looking down at the floor, Casey scratched the back of his head and shrugged too.

 

"If you show up to my tournament, I'll... be more careful," he finally said. He still couldn't look at Raph. Not until, that is, the turtle stepped around to Casey's side and threw his arm over his friend's shoulder.

 

"I'm sure if I cover up a bit, I can make it," he said. "No one will have a problem with it, most likely."

 

* * *

 

 

"Sensei, you can't.. sensei, that's not _fair!_ "

 

Splinter didn't move an inch from his position, kneeling on the ground in an attempt to relax and meditate. He hadn't looked over at his son, nor said anything but a simple "no" to the request of being allowed to Casey's tournament. Raphael had even had suggestions about putting on costumes, and just playing off the turtle thing as a dress up, maybe even a mascot kind of thing. But still, the teenager was denied the permission.

 

"You cannot simply go above ground and let yourself be near humans," he told his child. "If someone were to become suspicious of you, anything at all could go very wrong. What if you were to be exposed in the middle of Casey's tournament? And should that happen, what if your brothers or myself were unable to find and rescue you?"

 

Raph let out a noise of frustration and insisted in a strained voice, "Sensei, you don't understand; this is important to Casey! This is very big for him! And he's important to me! I can't miss this! I..."

 

Splinter's ears flicked, a sign that he was listening. The fact that he didn't try to interrupt or cut off his son was another indication to him being all ears for whatever else Raphael intended to say.

 

The turtle groaned and said as quick as he could, "I kinda promise Casey that I would show up, and that you would definitely say yes."

 

There was a silence hanging there for what seemed like forever, but at the somewhat annoyed sound that his father made, Raph realized it hadn't been that long at all. He couldn't help looking down at the floor, feeling like an utter fool standing there, just waiting for Splinter to give him a piece of his mind. He tried to stay still, tried not to fidget, but even as Splinter stood to his feet and turned around to face his son, Raph felt like the situation wasn't moving quickly enough.

 

"Sensei, I promise, I'll be careful," Raphael continued to beg, finally looking up at his father with a desperate expression. "I promise. Look, I... I don't know if you've picked up on it, but I... kinda like Casey. A lot. Not just... as a friend."

 

He started turning red in his face as Splinter faked a shocked gasp. "No. Certainly not?"

 

However, Raphael didn't catch the sarcasm. He looked off to the side, muttering through gritted teeth, "Er... yeah..." He suddenly looked back up at his father, his emerald eyes filled with terror and a bit of embarrassment. "Sensei, promise you won't tell anyone. 'Specially my brothers. Please don't tell them."

 

Though Splinter was fully aware his other sons had already figured out Raphael's affections for Casey, he couldn't let the boy go one thinking his secret was going to be outed for laughs. He continued to go along with Raphael's idea that no one knew, reaching out and gently resting a hand on the turtle's shoulder.

 

"Your secret is safe with me, my son," he said softly. "And though no one has the authority to even think of mocking you or keeping you from Casey, I still stand by my original answer. Please, Raphael; you cannot go into the world above. There is too much danger."

 

Raph opened his mouth to argue on, but then he stopped. He sighed quietly and mumbled, " _Hai,_ sensei..."

 

Splinter nodded and turned back around, returning to his position, kneeled in the floor. He offered Raphael to join him in meditation, but he declined the offer, heading out of the dojo to go find something to do. Just as he stepped out of the room, in Raph's mind flashed _the look_ he would get from Casey when he got back to the lair after his tournament. It would be like looking at disappointment, betrayal, and vaguely masked sadness, but it would only last for a short moment, before Casey brushed it off as completely fine. He did understand, but that didn't make him any less upset.

 

"God damn it," he muttered to himself, realizing he had to disobey his father. It was either go on a completely harmless trip above ground or suffer through the constant state of worrying how badly missing out really affected Casey. And Raph couldn't spend his time worrying about that, not when he could easily prevent it from needing to happen.

 

He scanned the immediate area, not finding any of his brothers or April, so he took this golden opportunity to scramble towards the train tracks, trying to stay as quiet as he could. Once he was out in the tunnel, he looked around again, checking for anyone nearby, and then shot off. He expected he was free, that this really would work.

 

Raph changed his mind when he heard the voice of someone he really didn't want to be stopped by call out for him. Whipping around to face a curious, narrow-eyed Mikey, Raphael bared his teeth and tried to intimidate his little brother away.

 

Of course, however, that was a feeble attempt.

 

"Dude, what are you doing?" Mikey asked, not accusing his brother of anything, just trying to figure out what was going on.

 

Okay, so, it was either tell him a lie, and have about a ninety percent chance of getting out fine, or tell him the truth, which cut down Raph's chances by about thirty percent; not to mention, Mikey could go back and tell everybody what was happening. Maybe if he let Mikey in on his crush, he would feel more sympathy, and let Raph go...

 

"Uh... I guess that depends on perspective!" Raphael replied finally.

 

Mikey stared at his brother with a puzzled expression, shaking his head. "I... wait, what?"

 

Raphael felt as though he were metaphorically throwing everything out a window, but he couldn't help  it. He suddenly blurted out, "Look, I'm pretty sure I'm gay as hell and I like Casey. I need to go to his tournament, and sensei told me no. I'm going anyway."

 

He didn't hesitate in grabbing Mikey by the shoulders, shaking him lightly while saying, "You can't tell anyone any of this! Promise me, Mikey!"

 

"Dude, dude, _dude!_ " Michelangelo shouted, his voice getting increasingly shrill with every 'dude'. When his brother stopped shaking him, Mikey reached up and grabbed his face, whispering, "Your crush isn't a secret! No one's missed it, dude! Now go! Go do that thing! Show Casey you love him!"

 

Raph started turning red again, squirming out of his brother's grip silently. He tried to stop feeling so flustered and growled to Mikey, "Don't tell anyone about this! Don't!"

 

Mikey rolled his eyes and suddenly shoved Raphael a few paces backwards. "Go, dude! Go, go, go, go!"

 

He felt ridiculously embarrassed, but Raph was nearly grinning at his little brother, relieved and grateful for the free pass he was getting. He closed the distance between himself and his brother for a short moment, rubbing the younger turtle's head affectionately. He giggled and then pushed on Raph again, whispering as loudly as he could for him to get moving.

 

Raphael obeyed, turning on his heel and shooting off like a bullet from a gun. He had the chance to go, he was taking it, and he wasn't going to fail. He could make it to Casey's game in time, and everything would be fine. Maybe he could find something to put on, to make his appearance seem nothing more than a costume. Or he could just play it off like he thought Casey's team had a turtle mascot. Obviously, that was wrong, but it would help Raph's situation at least.

 

He found the nearest manhole and climbed up the ladder there, very carefully pushing it up to peer around before he jumped out. Thankfully, Casey's tournament wasn't happening in the middle of the day. It was supposed to start at about eight, and it was eight fifteen by now. Raph had counted on Splinter allowing him to go, so he didn't ask ahead of time. The reason it was past eight before Raph said anything, though, was because he had dozed off in his room and no one woke him up.

 

Granted, no one _knew_ he wanted to be up, so he couldn't really blame his family for that.

 

Once the coast seemed clear, Raphael shot up out of the sewers, staying completely silent with that, and putting the manhole back in its place. This particular hole led up into a dark dead end alley, so he was less likely to be seen right off. Looking around to check one more time that he was safe in the shadows, Raph pulled out his T-phone and sent a text to April, asking where she was.

 

_'At Casey's game. Where are you?'_

 

"On my way," he said under his breath, texting the same thing back to the girl. After doing that, he started off again, scaling the fire escapes on the apartments around him until he reached the roof.

 

Raph didn't pause and try to remember where the highschool was. Instead, he just started running across the rooftop in the direction he was pretty sure it was in. It didn't take him long to remember that, yes, he was going the right way, but he was pretty sure he shouldn't have handled his lack of information the way he did, but hey. He was going the right way now, so that's all he could care about.

 

He spotted the big building pretty soon, grinning as he got closer and closer.  


That was when he heard someone yelling his name, stopping him in his tracks. He realized he shouldn't have stopped when he turned around and saw his brothers coming towards him.


	2. The Big Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- still very gay  
> \- brothers fighting? kinda hostile? Leo and Donnie get pissed at Raph for sneaking out

Mikey was the only one who didn't look like he wanted to shove Raph off a building, which, thinking about in his current position, caused Raphael to be even more nervous.

 

"I can't believe you ran off, _right_ after Master Splinter told you not to!" Leo shouted, approaching his brother with a look of hostility. Raph took a small step backwards, not expecting Leonardo to shove or hit him, but preparing for it nonetheless.

 

"This is something I gotta do!" Raph shouted back. "This is really big for Casey! I gotta be there!"

 

Raph couldn't help looking over at Mikey, and before he could stop and realize his little brother had no choice, he yelled, "Why did you tell them, Mikey?"

 

"Hey, hey, hey," Donnie said quickly, stepping in front of Mikey protectively. "Leave him out of this, _you're_ the one that tried to get him to lie to us, to sensei!"

 

Mikey had his head lowered, but glanced up at Raphael with an apologetic expression. He mumbled a "Sorry, bro" and received a gentle pat on his shell from Donnie. Now that he felt like even more shit, Raph turned his attentions back to Leo, not sure if he could really win this battle anymore. Leonardo didn't look like he planned on letting him do so, either.

 

"We need to go home," he said in a low growl to Raphael. " _Now._ "

 

He looked like he was going to protest, but he stopped. He sighed and lowered his head. Very softly, he said, "Fine. Let's go."

 

Leo just nodded and then stepped to the side, motioning for Raph to walk by first.

 

Raphael hesitated for only a moment. He then whipped around and sprinted towards the edge of the roof, ignoring the startled but angry shout from Leo. Raph leapt with just enough power to go off the ledge and then sink downwards. He actually thought for a moment that he would hit the ground, but he got to the fire escape, like he wanted, and grabbed on. However, like he had planned, he fell low enough to grab onto a low place, needing to only let go to get down to the ground again. Before his brothers could catch up, Raph darted for the building, realizing that he was gonna make it.

 

Donnie and Leo continued to shout his name, but Raph wouldn't stop. He burst through the doors, doing as he did before: not pausing to look around before he ran. He didn't know where the hockey rink area was supposed to be, so he ran to the end of the hallway, took a left turn and slipped into a closet before his brothers could find him. He heard their feet shuffle past his door, causing him just a bit of relief. He then got his T-phone back out and texted April again, asking exactly where the hockey rink was.

 

She sent him the directions, and then he waited for a minute. He couldn't hear his brothers, but he managed to make himself hold off on stepping out for at least two more full minutes. It was borderline hell for him, but it was either be annoyed for a short amount of time or miss out on Casey's tournament.

 

At some point, he heard his brothers rush past the closet again, going down the other end the hallway led. Raph waited for forty seconds and silently exited the closet, hurrying down the way his brothers had gone first. He found the hockey rink pretty soon, bursting into the room and proceeding to search for April in the seats. There weren't many people there, and it wasn't an enormous place, but it still took a text to April for her location. Raph sent it and then continued looking around until he saw the red-head stand up and wave frantically.

 

Raphael got to her as quickly as he could, sitting down on her right. On her left was her human friend, Irma. She looked across April at him, raising an eyebrow.

 

"You realize the mascot for Casey's team isn't a turtle, right?" she asked.

 

Raph realized it was time to shine, to practice his acting skills. He stared at Irma with wide eyes and gaped at her, staying silent for a moment for the effect. "Wait, it's _not_ a turtle? Damn it! I coulda sworn..."

 

Irma shrugged and mumbled, "You'll get it next time, I'm sure."

 

April chuckled softly and leaned over, whispering to Raph, "Very smooth, Raph."

 

"Oh, shut up," he whispered back, smiling a little, however.

 

He watched attentively, trying to remember anything and everything Casey ever told him about hockey, hoping it would make more sense by the end of the tournament than it did now. He was pretty sure he knew the basics, so that was good. For the most part, he just cheered when April cheered and yelled "boo" if Irma did. April didn't really boo anyone, which, in hindsight, Raph realized was pretty cool of her and it was pretty rude that he and Irma did.

 

At the second half-time, Raph stood up on his seat, cupped his hands around his mouth and screamed, "Hey, Jones!"

 

Raphael got his friend's attention, laughing at the look on his face. He looked absolutely blown away, but after he got over his initial shock, Casey raised his hockey stick in the air and whooped loudly. April had to cover her face, embarrassed but unable to help laughing at her friends. Irma looked at the boys in turn, shaking her head afterwards. She nudged April lightly and leaned over.

 

"Your friends are riots," she whispered.

 

"Oh, God, you don't even know," April replied, peeking through spaces in her fingers to see if Casey was doing anything else now.

 

He was trying to dance. When the girl looked up at Raph, she realized he was also trying to dance. If the word "dance" was even appropriate. It was more or less the two of them swinging their hips around and pumping their fists every now and again.

 

There wasn't a whole lot of tense and dramatic moments except for maybe two times, and that was just what Raph noticed. Finally, the game was over, and Casey's team won by a single point. The players all gave each other high fives as the viewers started filing out of the rink. Raph looked over at April and Irma, realizing his brothers were probably going to come in after everyone was gone, and that wasn't going to be fun. Irma didn't know about them, so she probably didn't need to be there. Raphael didn't want April to worry much, so he figured he could opt out of the two having to see him get yelled at and whatever else.

 

Then there was Casey. Whatever happened, Raph was pretty sure he'd be in the company of somebody when his brothers moved in. The thing with being around Casey, it could go one of two ways. Casey would laugh and tease Raphael for getting in trouble, or he could get upset that the turtle got in trouble just for him. Either way, Raph was going to be embarrassed, and possibly pissed off.

 

April and Irma stood up as the line of seats they sat in began to move. Raphael did as well, but he climbed back a row, leaning over the chairs and saying to April, "Hey, I'm gonna wait for Casey. See you later, yeah?"

 

She nodded, heading off with Irma afterwards. Raph made sure no one else was trying to get out of the row he now stood in, and then pulled out his T-phone, calling Casey.

 

" _Hey, crud-for-brains, you did a swell job at dressing up,"_ the boy greeted sarcastically.

 

"Oh, geez, keep your sarcastic comments to yourself, they're funnier in your head," Raphael replied. "Anyway, I'm waiting for everyone to leave, and then I'll come down to you. How's that sound?"

 

He heard Casey laugh, glancing up long enough to see him shoot a thumbs-up from down below. " _You got it, man. We gonna play a bit, or you got other plans?"_

 

Here, Raphael hesitated. "Ah.. actually, er... I'm kinda not supposed to be here. So, uh... we can either try to sneak out, or, yeah, play around for a while. Although, after the place is clear, we might have some angry turtles dropping in to chew me out."

 

" _Christ, dude, why'd you come here, then? You... realize you didn't have to get yourself in trouble for me, right?"_

 

The turtle took a deep breath and sighed it back out. "Yeah, whatever," he answered quietly. "Too late, now. But it's cool. I'll be fine. Hey, I'm gonna hang up now, all right? I'll get down there as soon as I can."

 

" _Yeah, okay, Raph. Hey, dude?"_

 

"What?"

 

" _Thanks. A bunch. This, uh... means a lot to me._ "

 

Raphael smiled. "You goofball. I'm hanging up now. See you in a minute."


	3. Not The Best Endgame..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game's okay, but what happens when the game's done? Raphael is in big trouble, that's exactly what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Mikey gets overwhelmed and panicked over all the yelling that happens between Casey, Raph, Leo, and Donnie  
> \- swearing  
> \- Casey's family is implied to be a mess and to be broken, etc  
> \- motherh*cking aNGST

It took a bit longer for everyone to actually get out than the boys had originally planned, but as soon as they were gone, Raphael launched himself over every row of seats in his way until he reached the walls of the rink, jumping over that as well. However, he overestimated his ability to stay balanced on slick, cold surfaces, and his feet flew out from under him. He hit the ice, gritting his teeth together as he tried to stay quiet.

 

Casey skated over, unable to stop himself from snickering at his friend's predicament. He crouched beside the turtle, grinning wide as he reached down and prodded Raph's cheek.

 

"You gonna sleep there, man?" Casey asked jokingly. "Come on, lemme teach you how to play the hardcore Casey version of hockey!"

 

"That won't be necessary."

 

The good mood the two boys had dissolved when they looked over and saw Leo making his way towards the rink, Donnie on his heels and Mikey on his. Casey helped Raph up to his feet, lightly grabbing his upper arm in an attempt to keep him steady. Had the situation been less tense, he would have made some crack about Raphael's triceps.

 

Leo stepped onto the ice, not losing his balance once as he half-slid, half-strode towards his brother. He had a no-nonsense look on his face and didn't look like he wanted to deal with anymore of Raphael's disobedient behavior.

 

"We're going back to the lair, Raph," he said simply. "You've exposed yourself to an enormous crowd of humans who don't know about us, and could have very well had pictures taken of you. Do you know what that means? Internet. People going on about how weird you look, or how cool; whichever."

 

Raph intended on cutting in, but Leo didn't let him, "And before you say 'all right, who cares?' I will inform you about the fact that the Kraang or spies for the Kraang or the Shredder could find those. They'd know you were here. They would know where to find April and Casey."

 

The red-masked brother realized his brother was right, his heart sinking. He looked over at Casey, who had been giving Leo a glare up until that point. He then looked over to Raph, muttering, "Don't listen to 'em, Raph. The Kraang won't find me or Red, and what you did was _harmless._ "

 

"Coming from the one who _wanted_ Raph to come in the first place," Donnie shot in. "For you, it wouldn't be harmless! However, in case you missed it, we're giant mutant turtles. There's nothing harmless about this situation!"

 

Casey faced the tallest turtle, pointing accusingly and shouting, "You all pick and pick at Raph all the time! He can't _breathe_ good enough for you all! The situation is _fine_ and you guys are gonna _be_ fine! Stop getting so pissed at Raph, when he's just, I don't know, trying to be a good friend!"

 

"Casey," Raph muttered, gently swatting his side with a hand, "they're right. Stop talking."

 

He stared at Raphael in utter shock, his voice becoming shrill as he demanded, "You're just gonna let them control you so much? Dude, what you did was.. was basically fine! No one got suspicious! Everything's gonna be fine!"

 

"Oh, for the love of god, Jones, just can it, will ya?" Donnie snapped.

 

"Shut _up,_ asshole!"

 

"Casey, stop yelling, you're just going to make things worse."

 

"Don't tell me what to--"

 

There was suddenly a loud cry of distress and everyone looked to Mikey, who was now holding his head in his hands and trembling, his breathing quick and shaky. He made a small noise, something similar to a sob, but closer to a hiccup.

 

"Stop yelling, stop yelling," he whimpered. "Stop it, stop it, _stop it!_ "

 

Donnie sighed and stepped back to stand close to Mikey, gently grabbing onto his wrists to pry his hands away from his head. He was as careful as he could be, speaking softly to his little brother in the hopes that he could calm him down. Mikey whined and just pushed his face into Donnie's plastron, sniffling quietly.

 

"Can we please just go home?" he asked, his voice muffled. "Can we please stop yelling at each other so much?"

 

Casey huffed quietly, crossing his arms. He glanced at Leo and snapped, "I'm sorry for asking Raph to come. Sorry your brother actually means something to me."

 

Leo sounded unimpressed as he retorted, "Oh, don't start with that. You know full well we aren't supposed to be above ground. You know full well it was complete nonsense to ask Raph to show up."

 

The highschooler scoffed. "Whoops, I guess I just did it for attention and to stir up shit," the boy said sarcastically. "Couldn't possibly be the fact that my entire family's a mess and they can't come to this kind of stuff with me."

 

"We didn't come for this, Casey. We came to take Raphael back home, and we're doing that now," Donnie cut in. "Now come on, guys, before Mikey has a panic attack."

 

Leonardo looked over at him and nodded, his gaze lingering on Mikey for a moment longer before he faced Raph again. The softness in his blue eyes was gone instantly, the harsh impatience back again. He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder, pointing towards the door in that direction.

 

Taking a deep breath to ensure he didn't lose his temper, Raphael nodded. He then turned to Casey and shrugged, unenthusiastically holding up a fist for his friend. Casey looked down at it, not responding for a good while, feeling like the gesture was just useless in this situation. But he looked back up at Raph, sighing quietly and then hitting his fist against the turtle's.

 

"Sorry I got you in trouble," Casey muttered.

 

"Sorry I'm all you could get," Raph said quietly back.

 

It took Casey a minute to realize that the way he had spoken to Leo probably made it seem like he didn't appreciate Raph, that he was second best or something. Shaking his head, the teenager glanced over at Raphael's brothers and whispered, "No, dude, that's not what I meant at all. I'm really glad you made it, I just... I just wish my family could, too."

 

Raph nodded and tried to hit Casey's shoulder in a joking or encouraging manner, but he couldn't bring himself to put much energy into it. Raphael not packing at least a bit of a punch in his hits was one of the biggest signs that he really was upset about something.

 

" _Raph,_ let's go."

 

"Shut up, I'm coming," Raphael hissed, heading after his brother. He looked over his shoulder at Casey, calling, "See ya, Jones. Good job on the game!"

 

Casey shoved his hands into his pockets, mumbling a thanks without looking at Raph. He stared at the ice until he heard the door slam, and then looked around the room. He hated big, empty rooms. So he grabbed his things and skated to the edge of the rink, climbing over the sides and shuffling for the exit.

 

"Well, this blows," he said under his breath.


	4. Forest Fires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You gotta deal with your mistakes, right? Even if that mistake was something that was good? Raph would say yes, and he'd tell you with utmost certainty that there's some people that just won't let you do anything without complaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Leo's kind of an ass  
> \- Raphael vents by shoving his face into a pillow and screaming  
> \- he thinks about other ways that he vents, which include anything that tire him out or someone else. fighting somebody else to do this is mentioned. there aren't any actual scenes of him sparring with someone to let off steam.  
> \- Raphael cries while he's trying to calm down  
> \- swearing  
> \- the name of this chapter comes from Lauren Aquilina's song, "Forest Fires"

The turtles got home before Casey did, and by the time Casey had collapsed on his bed, Raph's chewing out session in the dojo was in full swing. Splinter was saying how it was ridiculous of him to go above ground, and it was worse that he did it even after he was given a solid "no." Leo put in things like "and now if someone took pictures and put them online, the Kraang could find you", "now a lot of people know what you look like" and "April and Casey, along with the entirety of the school, could be in serious danger". Raphael had already heard that shit, and felt like a complete and utter failure for being irresponsible, so Leo's snarky inputs were just salt in Raph's wound. Donnie wasn't there to back up Leo, even if he didn't need it. No, Donnie was trying to calm Mikey down still, he was trying to get him to listen to some music and eat something.

 

Finally, after having to sit in silence and listen, unable to get a chance to defend himself with whatever excuse he apparently _always_ pulled out of his ass, Raphael looked from his father to his brother. He blinked and then nodded.

 

"Are we done here?" he asked flatly.

 

"That's _all_ you're going to say?" Leo demanded harshly. "You disobeyed Master Splinter and you've put our friends in danger! And all you're gonna say is _that?_ "

 

Raph bit back a response and focused on Splinter. "Are we done?" he repeated.

 

His father sighed quietly and then nodded. He pointed to the door of the dojo, saying quietly, "I would like you to go to your room and meditate for some time. Do not speak to Donatello or Michelangelo, and no matter what they say, do not say anything back. Understood?"

 

" _Hai,_ sensei," Raphael said, bowing slightly to him.

 

He could practically hear Leo rolling his eyes as he walked towards the door, blocking out whatever whispered words his brother uttered behind his back. He walked through the living area, not seeing the glare Donnie gave him, and attempted to channel anything he felt into the fist that basically punched his door open. It slammed against the wall loudly, and then Raph slammed it back into place, his breathing slowly changing from calm and composed to short and loud. He threw himself down on his bed, shoving his face into his pillow to muffle all of his screaming.

 

That was one way he liked to vent. It always involved tiring himself out, tiring someone _else_ out, or-- the double win situation-- fighting someone. Casey was good for those kinds of things, because not only could he take Raph's hits, he could deal his own, and a lot of the time, getting a good punch in the face calmed Raphael down. It wore down on him, and the more exhausted he became, the calmer he got. Of course, being exhausted for anyone did that most of the time. The point was, the more Raphael got hurt, the faster he could chill out.

 

He didn't drive himself to agony in these exercises, but he usually walked away with a few bruises. He had no problems with it, considering it just made him look more formidable, and he was pretty sure Casey thought that was really cool.

 

Thinking about Casey again made Raph groan quietly. He laid there and found himself borderline regretting letting anyone in on the fact that he liked him in a different way. Of course, Splinter's reaction to it made Raph feel a lot better, but that was still something he began to question confessing. He had expected part of his reprimanding to have something about that in it, something about falling in love with people who had lives that he just couldn't be part of in a natural way.

 

It didn't come up, of course, and along with that, Splinter never once raised his voice or spoke aggressively. The only time either of those things happened in any remote way was when Splinter mentioned something about the humans and his brothers being put in danger, and then there was a "But most importantly, you put _yourself_ in danger!" said. He still didn't scream the words, but he said them a bit loudly, from the shock and concern for his child behind them. Raph was pretty thankful for that.

 

Raphael slowly began to convince himself that he wouldn't have felt so compelled to go to Casey's game if he hadn't let himself start to like him the way that he did. He convinced himself that if he didn't have a crush on him, none of this would have happened. Maybe Casey wouldn't have invited him, if they hadn't gotten so close. Raph shouldn't have let it happen.

 

He suddenly realized it was getting increasingly hard to breathe with his face crammed into a pillow, and sat up, crossing his legs in a pretzel. Raphael stared at his pillow for a while before he realized that it looked wet, and that was when he figured out he had been crying. In a desperate panic, he grabbed the pillow, flipped it over, and then wiped his face, trying to take deep breaths and get himself calm again.

 

"Damn it," he sobbed, shaking his head as he punched the bed. "Damn it, fucking..."

 

Suddenly, his T-phone started ringing from his belt. He scrambled to dig it out, hurriedly checking it. It was a text, and it was from Mikey.

 

_'r u gonna be ok?'_

Raph felt scorn towards his brother for a moment, and then realized he was just trying to help, that he was just worried. Raphael huffed and responded.

 

_'I'll be fine. are you doing okay?'_

The turtle flopped forward on his bed again, groaning as he turned over on his back. He didn't get a response from Mikey until about a minute later.

 

_'i'm p shaky still but yea i'm ok. don made me put on headphones the whole time so i didn't have to hear anything. did dad yell?'_

Mikey almost always referred to Splinter as "dad" to anyone except Splinter. He always felt like it wouldn't be respectful enough, so it was "Master Splinter" or "sensei" unless he wasn't speaking directly to the old ninja. Mikey had actually been the last one to stop using things like "papa" and "daddy" when they were all kids, but he started to notice a specific look Splinter would make when he heard those things, so he cut it out after a while.

 

 _'He didn't yell, no. leo did,'_ Raph texted back.

 

' _u in big trouble? grounded or something?'_ Mikey asked.

 

_'nah. not that I know of. I'll be the laughingstock for a few days, and Casey's probably gonna be pissed at leo for a while. asshole pushed some of Casey's buttons. I'm still thinking about shoving my sai in leo's foot, honeslty.'_

_'that's generally frowned upon but i think that might build character lmao'_

Raph snickered quietly, shaking his head at that particular text.

 

' _I can't tell if it was me or Casey that influenced that kind of approach to what i said. either way, I apologize in advance for the trouble you might get in for being like us.'_

 

' _don't worry dude i'm the cute one i can get away with that kinda stuff'_ came Mikey's reply.

 

It caused Raphael to snort and nearly burst out with loud laughter. It was true, but hearing it from Mikey, the fact that he knew that it would work, made it even funnier.

 

' _Mikey I honestly can't believe you just said that'_

_'i'm disappointed in u raphael. i expected u to know me better.'_

Raph was about to text him back, but in the middle of his reply, he got another text from Mikey, his smile slowly fading out as he read it.

 

_'i hear dad and leo coming out of the dojo and donnie's gonna be back soon i gotta stop replying'_

He stared at the words for a minute and then sighed, dropping his phone on the bed beside his shoulder. Rolling over on his side, Raphael stared at the wall until he drifted off to sleep, not realizing he got a third text from Mikey.

 

_'love you, bro'_


	5. L i l o

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael gets up to his brothers yelling at him. What's new? Also: Leo's Still An Ass: Act II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- really aggressive situation between everybody, as in everyone's yelling at each other  
> \- swearing, as usual  
> \- "do shita no" = "what's going on?"  
> \- "yame" = "stop"  
> \- mental illness mention  
> \- the chapter's name is also the title of a song by Lauren Aquilina!

The following morning, Raphael was woken up by faint yelling he heard out in the living room. He sat up with a quiet growl and climbed out of bed, hoping to be less groggy by the time he got out of his bedroom. Upon stepping through his door, the yelling and the voices it belonged to became clearer.

 

He recognized Casey, April, Leo, and Donnie's voices. They all seemed to be yelling, so Raph stumbled as fast as he could towards them. He found himself now being stared at by all of them, glares on the expressions of his brothers and expressions of concern and surprise on the faces of the humans.

 

"Dude!" Casey nearly shouted, glancing over at the other turtles before hurrying over to Raph. He grabbed his shoulders and shook him, saying in a strained voice, "Whatever Leo and Donnie are about to say, it's _not_ your fault!"

 

There was a two-word sentence that Casey could have easily described Raph's face as, and it was " _oh fuck._ "

 

"The Kraang found the school!" Leo barked from his position a few feet away. He marched towards Raphael and Casey, looking about ready to throw some punches, but Casey turned around, pushing Raph back.

 

"Don't lay a hand on him, shithead," Casey snarled, drawing a hockey stick to hold it up protectively. "If you try to hit him, I'm gonna hit back twice as hard."

 

Leo swatted the weapon away from his face. "Calm down, Jones, I'm not gonna lay a hand on him. You can guarantee, however, that I'm going to give him a piece of my mind."

 

April ran to step in between her friends, but Donnie reached out and stopped her by taking hold of her shoulder. Being touched at that particular moment, coupled with the fact that Donnie was trying to stop her, made for a hostile response. April whipped around and shoved the turtle back away, her blue eyes fierce and _daring_ him to touch her again.

 

He held his hands up in surrender, not stopping her a second time as she ran to do as she meant to before. She jumped between Leonardo and Casey, angling herself sideways to push back with a hand on each chest, looking from the turtle to the human.

 

"Both of you need to chill the hell out," she ordered sharply. "Leo, screaming at Raph isn't going to fix the situation. Casey, accept that this situation is not _one_ person's fault, it's a lot. Okay?"

 

The two of them both huffed loudly, Leo turning away and crossing his arms while Casey turned to Raphael. The turtle still looked utterly shocked, staring at Casey wordlessly for a good while.

 

"What happened?" he asked in a tiny voice.

 

Casey glanced over his shoulder at Leo and then mumbled, "Me and Red went past the school today to get here, and we saw one of the Kraang van's outside. We found somewhere to hide and staked out for a little while, and finally, a teacher who had come by to get something, chased 'em off. Said they needed to stop parking near the school, and that if they kept coming back, they would be reported."

 

Raph let out a small groan, just planting his face in Casey's chest. He groaned again, this time louder and more dramatically, like a whining child, and left his face buried in his friend's shirt. Casey, having seen Raphael sleep-deprived and stressed out on several occasions, knew that just standing there and allowing him to hide his face for a few minutes, was the wisest thing to do.

 

He looked back to Leo after a moment and said, "All right, what if the Kraang are just looking around for us, and stopped at a school? They've been here long enough, maybe they know that teenagers go to school."

 

"You can't actually be suggesting that when this happens _right_ after you show yourself in public, right?" Leo demanded. "God, you'd do anything to make sure you didn't get in trouble."

 

Raphael felt a very strong urge to jump at Leo and strangle him for a minute, and maybe that would shut him up.

 

"In case you didn't take notice, asshole, I'm almost always in trouble, because Splinter's perfect little son Leonardo is always right. And when _you're_ right, _I'm_ the fuck up, so don't say that shit to me, I'll mop the floor with your fucking tongue."

 

Raph wasn't entirely sure at first if he had actually spoken those words. When he saw the look he got from April, which was a mix of " _holy shit did you actually say that"_ and " _holy shit why did you say that",_ he realized that he had indeed spoken those words. He suddenly felt a lot less sure of himself, realizing his heart was beginning to pound in his chest when he saw how astounded Leonardo looked.

 

Leo suddenly narrowed his eyes and pointed at his brother accusingly, saying sharply, "The reason you're 'always the fuck up when I'm right' is because I'm _always_ right, and you're _always_ a fuck up! You lose your temper far too easily, you think with your muscles and not your head, and you're always so.. aggressive! You need to calm down before you seriously hurt someone, or yourself!"

 

"Raph's not a fuck up!" Casey shot back, taking a threatening step forward. "Maybe if you stepped down off your high and mighty pedestal, you'd realize that you make just as many mistakes as Raph does! He's not someone you just blame all the shit on, he's not your personal scapegoat! He's a god damn _person_ and you need to pull that stick out of your ass before I do it for you, because if _that_ happens, I'm going to beat the hell out of you!"

 

April shook her head, nearly shouting, "Stop, all of you need to stop!"

 

"April's right," Donnie chipped in suddenly. "If you guys keep acting this way, Master Splinter's going to get mad, and Mikey's going to get upset again."

 

Casey gestured to Leo. "Make _him_ stop insulting Raph, all because he thinks he's better than everyone else."

 

"I don't think I'm better than everyone else," Leo spat, crossing his arms. "I was appointed leader, and that makes me higher ranking, but the point is, Raph _is_ way too aggressive! He needs to control his temper!"

 

" _Do shita no?"_ came Splinter's voice out of nowhere.

 

Everyone froze, looking over at him as he exited the dojo with Mikey beside him. The latter of the two seemed nervous, and the former just looked plain pissed off. All of the kids straightened up instantly, respectfully remaining silent until Splinter asked again.

 

" _What_ is going on?"

 

Casey spoke up first, trying to get a word in before Leo could, replying, "Leo's trying to make Raph feel like shit again, for something that's my fault! Don't let him trick you!"

 

Leo rolled his eyes and scoffed. "The Kraang showing up at the same place Raph went to isn't his fault? Hm. Guess that means something like Ice Cream Kitty isn't a mutant, or Mikey's fear of heights come from almost drowning."

 

Mikey held up a hand, mumbling, "Actually...."

 

Splinter gently rested a hand on his child's shoulder, saying something quietly to him. His son nodded and, looking over at the group of arguing teenagers one last time, turned and went back into the dojo, closing the door and leaving behind a silenced room. It lasted for a minute before Splinter slowly shuffled over to the children nearby.

 

"Would anyone like to tell me why the Kraang were or are at the highschool?" he asked calmly.

 

"Isn't it obvious, sensei?" Donnie asked. He pointed at Raphael. "He goes there, and the very next day, we've got a white van outside there. Is it a coincidence? No. Not really."

 

"I like you less and less by the second, tooth gap," Casey commented dryly.

 

Donnie nearly laughed. "Ah, yes, insult me with a trait that you _also_ have," he said. "And they say sports don't cause damage."

 

Casey's face turned red and he moved as though he were going to attack Donnie, but Raphael reached out and grabbed him by the hood, pulling him back to his side wordlessly. The boy took a few deep breaths and the redness left his face, but he was still fully prepared to tackle Donatello at any given moment.

 

Splinter narrowed his eyes at Donnie and then at Casey, reaching up to stroke his beard quietly for a moment. He then focused on Raphael, blinking his brownish eyes. Raph noticed his father was studying him and promptly looked off to the side, taking a deep breath and readying himself for being yelled at this time. There was almost no way he wouldn't. He had every right to be angry at his son, and the sooner Raph accepted that, the easier it might be to handle it.

 

"Raphael," his father said softly.

 

"I know, sensei," Raph mumbled. "I know I'm a screw up. I know I need to control my temper. I know I shouldn't have gone to Casey's game, but I... I..."

 

Casey looked at his friend for a moment and then slowly turned his gaze to the floor. This royally sucked ass. He couldn't do anything to help, and he was the one who basically instigated everything. If he would stop being careless with street fights, if he hadn't got hurt, Raph wouldn't have been angry, and they wouldn't have had a tense moment that Casey used to invite Raph to a game he couldn't come to, just to break tensions.

 

Maybe if Casey just didn't let anyone know about his home life, how often he did stuff alone...

 

"You are not a screw up," Splinter spoke, breaking the silence with a gentle and kind tone. "You make mistakes. All of us do. But that would never make you a screw up."

 

"Yeah, well maybe he wouldn't think that so much if you all actually treated him better," Casey said, quiet enough to have not been noticed were the people in the room not listening. However, they were listening, and he was noticed.

 

Donnie spoke up, saying harshly, "We don't treat him any worse than he treats us, and he's blown up at us on multiple occasions and nearly hurt us badly. So your complaints and accusations are misplaced, and rather childishly, at that."

 

Casey stared at the turtle in utter shock and disbelief. He looked over at Splinter, then back to Donnie, then back to Splinter again with a gesture to Donnie. "He just proved my point!" the boy cried in a shrill voice. "They always act like they are perfect, like they _never_ do anything wrong! And then they get pissed at Raph when he can't live up to that illusionary standard!"

 

"It's not an illusionary standard, Jones, it's a real standard, and it's one we are _all_ able to reach," Leo snapped. "Raph isn't any more incapable of following rules than I am."

 

" _Yame,_ " Splinter said sternly, narrowing his brown eyes at Leonardo. "You do not know of what goes on inside of Raphael's mind, inside of his heart, his soul. For all you know, my son, he could very well be struggling with things you will never understand. One should not be judged and assessed by their outward disposition alone. Anyone in this room could be struggling with any sort of mental illness, any sort of inner battle that, even if they wanted to tell someone about, they could not put into words."

 

Even if the room hadn't gone silent, Splinter would have acted too quickly for them to say anything else. He pointed at Raphael and Casey, gesturing for them to follow him back to the dojo where Mikey had continued to stay. After the boys both stepped into the big training area, Splinter dropped the small curtain Blake had helped Donnie install a few weeks back.

 

Raph was still silent. Casey hated seeing him that way. Not only was it a lot unlike the turtle, it was terrible to know something had upset him so badly that he didn't fight back, that he didn't argue or stick up for himself. He had given into what people called him, what people claimed he was. That was the biggest thing Casey hated. 


	6. I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward losers and their uncertainty about feelings = a disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- super gay  
> \- very cheesy  
> \- pda ( sorta. no kissing or hugging, but there's stuff said and faces that turn red )  
> \- swearing. wow. surprise

Mikey stayed by the tree in the dojo for a moment, hesitating to approach the others. Splinter waved him over wordlessly, so he moved towards them, his head lowered somewhat. His father smiled a little bit, then, resting a hand on his shoulder, he waited for his child to look up at him before speaking.

 

"How are you feeling, Michelangelo?" he asked gently.

 

The turtle shrugged and mumbled, "Okay... I guess? Is th-there an answer you're looking for, sensei?"

 

"No, my son," Splinter replied, a fond look on his face. "I simply wish to know if you feel well enough to go and make some breakfast."

 

His blue eyes lit up at that, a smile slowly making its way onto his face. "Yes, Master Splinter! I'd love to!"

 

Mikey took off, and then Splinter turned to the other two boys in the room, clasping his hands together behind his back. He waited for anything either of them might say, wanting to see if one of them would speaks before he did. When that didn't happen, the teacher sighed quietly and bowed his head.

 

"Raphael, your mistake was in disobeying what I told you to do," he started, his voice gentle, no hint of accusation at all. "Your heart was very much in the right place. You only wanted to support someone dear to you, to give Casey strength and encouragement. But that was at a cost. And there are consequences to your actions, good or bad."

 

Raph just nodded.

 

"However, your brothers were extremely wrong to strike you with such harmful words," he continued, his voice now taking on a sterner tone. "From the things that I heard were said, from what Michelangelo told me, your brothers should be ashamed."

 

"They sure as hell should be!" Casey spoke up.

 

He realized when he got a mortified look from Splinter that he shouldn't have used a swear word. Casey nervously rubbed the back of his head, glancing from side to side before muttering an apology. Splinter didn't acknowledge it any further, looking back to Raph.

 

Shaking his head, Splinter stepped forward and gently pulled his child close, hoping he could offer some solace with the embrace. He knew it wouldn't solve every problem Raphael faced, but he prayed it would at least give him strength to try.

 

The old ninja couldn't help but smile when he felt his son's arms wrap around his body. Raph pushed his face into his father's chest, his body trembling as he fought to stay as calm and strong as he could be. He didn't want to cry again, especially not in front of Casey and Splinter. He hated looking so weak in front of them, even if they were the ones he would rather cry in front of, should he have the option to choose.

 

Raphael was surprised to hear a small sob out of Casey, not having the chance to turn around and look at him before he joined the hug. He reached his arms under Raph's shoulders and around the turtle's chest, latching on as tightly as he could.

 

"Sorry, guys," Casey mumbled. "I.. got something in my eye. Or something."

 

"Shut up and just hug me, Casey," Raph said in a tiny whisper, trying to hide the fact that he had started crying.

 

Splinter chuckled softly, extending his reach to pull Casey closer into the embrace. He let out a quiet grunt when the human boy rammed into him, now holding onto two crying teenagers. It was quite a strange thing to behold, but also quite touching. To any random onlooker, a mutant turtle, a mutant rat and a teenage boy hugging and crying would probably be something to point and laugh at, or just stare in utter confusion. For someone who knew them, their pasts, and the reasons they cried, it could possibly draw a tear or two as well.

 

"Are we ready to go and have some breakfast?" Splinter asked softly after some time.

 

Raphael and Casey slowly let go of Splinter and each other, stepping back as they wiped their faces. The first one to do anything was Casey, and he tried to come over the distressing air by gently flicking Raph's shoulder, more or less playfully remarking , "I bet five dollars that my hug made everything better."

 

"Pffft," he scoffed, rolling his shoulders a bit. "I think you're mixed up. It was definitely _my_ hug that made everything better. And also, money means nothing to me? How would that benefit me, since you're wrong anyway?"

 

"Not wrong," Casey said in a sing-song voice. "But hey, I could buy you an ice cream or something with that five dollars. That is, if there was even a tiny chance that I'm the wrong one in this situation. I'm not, of course. Just wanna make you feel better."

 

Raph snorted and then shoved Casey, laughing at the shocked and somewhat betrayed expression his friend made. "You're definitely wrong! Every hug I give out is rare, limited edition! Completely special, and only for those I really like."

 

It didn't click in Raphael's mind how that may have sounded to Casey, not until a tiny smirk showed up on the boy's face. It was then that Raph felt a bit of a knot in his chest, tensing up and hoping his words didn't sound the way he was pretty sure they did.

 

"Does that mean you, I don't know... like me?" Casey asked teasingly, walking towards Raphael with that ridiculously dorkish smirk. "As in.. kissy-kissy, smoochy-smoochy? Maybe?"

 

Splinter cleared his throat suddenly. The two boys looked over to see the rat gesture towards the door.

 

"Whatever the two of you choose to do, I am going to get myself some food," he stated. Turning and walking out, he waved back at the teens, calling, "You both may stay in here for however long you choose to; please do not make me regret leaving you alone."

 

The boys both made faces, Raphael crying, "Sensei, that's so gross!"

 

After the shuffling sound of Splinter slipping past the curtains was heard, his tail trailing along after him, the boys hesitated to make sure the old rat was gone before they spoke again. Casey glanced up at Raph and then stuck his hands into his hoody pockets.

 

"So, I know it's kinda... rude or maybe not the most okay thing to ask, but, uh... what do you think of, er.. romance and relationships or whatever?" the boy asked slowly. He scoffed and looked away from Raph, saying with a much of eased and even indifferent voice, "It's, uh, isn't an important question, or whatever. Not like the world depends on it or.. something."

 

Raphael crossed his arms and shrugged, mumbling, "Well, I guess.. I dunno. Maybe it's okay. Kinda whatever about it."

 

Casey glanced over at the turtle, hoping he didn't see the hopeful look in his brown eyes before he looked away. "Yeah," he agreed, scoffing again. "Not super important or whatever. Like that?"

 

He gave a somewhat unenthusiastic grunt. "It's like. Yeah, I guess I'd be okay with it? If it was somebody I.. really liked, I guess. Somebody I trust and can talk to about stuff."

 

"So, um.. maybe me?" Casey said quietly, looking over at Raph.

 

_Shit, I used the same wording as before, didn't I? Shit, shit, shit, what do I say now?_ Raph thought to himself, his eyes widening and his heart skipping a beat.

 

Realizing the effect his words had on Raphael, Casey immediately averted his gaze, saying quickly, "I mean, it's not like, if it were me in your example, we'd have to get together or anything like that. Not unless you'd be cool with that. An-and not unless it was me, that you m-meant."

 

"It'd be cool, I guess," Raph said in a quiet mutter.

 

That set up yet another pause of silence, the air heavy with awkwardness and dawning realization. The two boys suddenly began to wonder how wise it was to bring these things up at this particular time. Maybe it never should have been addressed. What if it just blew up?

 

Casey couldn't stay quiet anymore, so he slowly bent his arm, not pulling his hand out of his pocket, and nudged Raph's shoulder with his elbow. Raphael looked over, his emerald eyes filled with doubt and fear. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what Casey was going to say. He didn't know how the boy was going to take it, how he was going to respond to the affections Raph had for him.

 

"So, you um... like me? Like me, as in.. let's go on a date?" Casey asked.

 

Raphael shrugged, looking down at the floor. "I.. yeah. Like that."

 

Casey couldn't help it. He giggled, whispering, "That's kinda gay."

 

The turtle's face lit up with embarrassment, so he smacked Casey over the head, saying a bit loudly, " _You're_ kinda gay!"

 

The boy laughed, holding up a hand to catch anymore hits Raph would most likely throw. When he could breathe again, Casey managed to respond with, "Yeah, I kinda am!"

 

Raph huffed loudly and looked away, gritting his teeth together behind closed lips. He didn't know what to say now, and he hated that. He hated how he kept getting stumped on how to act and deal with these situations. He couldn't handle how he felt very well, and he had no idea if Casey even wanted to know how he felt.

 

Casey still hadn't even really said exactly whether or not he was cool with what Raphael had told him. The turtle already began to prepare himself for Casey's "I like you, but not in _that_ way" or "I'm not into guys" stuff. He understood that who someone loved wasn't their choice, but if Raph were honest with himself, he really wanted that choice to be him. He really wanted Casey to feel the same way.

 

"Would it be weird if I, er.. asked you out?"

 

_Shit, shit, shit, did he just say that? Or am I hearing things?_

 

Raph's voice came out much more high pitched than he planned as he said, "Asked me out how?"

 

Casey decided the best way to handle this situation was like a band-aid: rip it off of the boo-boo and hope for the best.

 

"Asked you out as in, let's go get a pizza?" he replied. It was more of a question, more of a cautionary response, than an actual, solid answer. That was, of course, the best Casey could offer at present. He was extremely flustered, ridiculously unsure of himself, and hoping that Raph wouldn't turn around and say it was all a joke.

 

There wasn't much reason that Raph would, and he hadn't given Casey any reason to think he would, but good things and Casey Jones were usually polar opposites. He had learned to not hope too high in situations where he could easily charge in head first with the utmost faith it would turn out fine.

 

Raphael just stared at Casey, not knowing what to say. Finally, he pointed to himself, and then to Casey, his voice barely more than a squeak as he asked, "Right now? Me and you? On a date? Romantic shit?"

 

Casey grinned sheepishly, looking around with a shrug. "Romantic shit," he repeated in a little voice, nodding.

 

The human got himself a very stunned silent turtle out of that, wondering if he shouldn't have said anything now. It felt a bit silly, and he felt compelled to believe it was wrong to ask. He knew Raph, and he knew how he was, so maybe trying to get him into romantic stuff had been a bad idea. So instead of doing something normal, like saying "If you don't want to, it's fine", Casey looked off in a different direction, his face turning bright red as the silence continued on for what seemed like forever.

 

The uncertainty, the silence, the not knowing part; that was what got to Casey the worst. He knew it was ridiculous to try and do something like this, especially if he was just going to shut down and not be able to communicate because of it. He hated that his skills in this particular area were so terrible, were so lacking in the proper etiquette, the proper know-how to get things done. It made him feel helpless and nonsensical for even attempting to get an answer out of Raph.

 

He tried to seem much more desperate than he felt when he heard the turtle's voice again, slowly breaking through the flustered quiet with a small and cautious tone.

 

"If you want to, I mean... I don't really have anything else to do," Raphael mumbled. He reached up and pulled his mask down a bit, trying to hide his eyes as he whispered, "Not that this kinda thing isn't important to me. Not that _you're_ not important to me."

 

Casey tried to stop grinning so big as he, too, attempted to hide his eyes by pulling down whatever he had on his head, that being his bandanna. He didn't pull it far, since he never really liked taking it out of its place, but he inched it down far enough to cover his eyes. His cheeks seemed to get even redder as he said, his voice a mess of mixed up excitement and terror, "You're important to me too, dude. I'd.. I'd probably do anything for you. 'Cause, I uh... kind of, er... love..."

 

"Damn it, Case!" Raphael cried, completely planting his face in his palms. "Damn it, why you gotta make this so difficult? God, I'm probably as red as my mask!"

 

"Sorry!" Casey apologized quickly. "It's just... I care about you a lot, man! Sorry if I'm ever really... I dunno, clingy or somethin'. You mean a lot to me and whatever. Didn't mean to get you so worked up."

 

Raph slowly let his hands drop back to his side, shaking his head and trying to figure out a way to keep his voice steady and free of any sign of how flustered and rather upset that he was. He managed to rally the courage to pull his mask back into place and actually look up at Casey, trying to ignore the sound in his ears, a feeling in his chest; a nervous buzz.

 

He searched for the words, tried to let everything come straight from the heart. That wasn't the biggest problem, the worst thing he had trouble with, suddenly. His problems now lay in how to get the words out, in how to start.

 

Finally, it was, that he simply decided to say the first words that he always thought of when he saw Casey. It was four simple words he had wanted to say for a long time:

 

"I love you, dude," he said, then and there making up his mind.

 

Casey pulled his bandanna back up, his eyes wide and filled with shock. He wasn't sure why it was such a surprise to hear those words from Raph's mouth, why it hit him the way it did. By now, especially after all they had been talking about for the last few minutes, it was obvious Raph felt _something_ like that to the human teen. He just didn't know the reason he was blown away like he was, and he was so stricken with surprise and awe that he couldn't find any way to respond correctly, to articulate anything from his mind or heart.

 

He didn't like that it did, but Casey's lack of response sent Raphael into a mini panic, his heart racing faster, if that were possible. His mind exploded with questions, with things he believed had caused his friend's total silence. Several theories were due to the fact that he said those heavy three words so soon, that he uttered them with the sincerity he felt, and it was too early to do such things. Maybe he should have just kept his mouth shut.

 

"I love you too, Raph."


End file.
